Robert’s story
In the beginning I knew something was different with me, more than other people. I was looking at men and thinking that they were cute, fit, sexy. I was at school one day and I went to my tutor and talked about the feelings I had towards other men. She told me one day that I might be homosexual. This was a very big shock to me and I didn’t know what the whole thing meant. I was asked if I wanted to see a counsellor to talk about my feelings and thoughts and what my tutor had told me.
After a number of sessions with my counsellor I knew it was time to tell my family. I thought I had the courage to tell them but when it came down to it, I didn’t. Three months went by and I finally had to tell them. I sat down with my mum, dad, sisters and brothers and finally told them “I am gay”. My mum and dad said: “We know”. After telling them I felt as though a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.The next step was to tell my friends. I knew some people wouldn’t really accept it. Two weeks went by and although my family life was really good because I had a better bond with my mum and dad, I still couldn’t tell anyone else. Then one dull Monday morning I had just had enough of people calling me gay boy and faggot. So I said those magic words: “I AM GAY”. Everyone was very accepting even the people I didn’t think would accept it.
In the beginning I knew something was different with me, more than other people. I was looking at men and thinking that they were cute, fit, sexy. I was at school one day and I went to my tutor and talked about the feelings I had towards other men. She told me one day that I might be homosexual. This was a very big shock to me and I didn’t know what the whole thing meant. I was asked if I wanted to see a counsellor to talk about my feelings and thoughts and what my tutor had told me.
After a number of sessions with my counsellor I knew it was time to tell my family. I thought I had the courage to tell them but when it came down to it, I didn’t. Three months went by and I finally had to tell them. I sat down with my mum, dad, sisters and brothers and finally told them “I am gay”. My mum and dad said: “We know”. After telling them I felt as though a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.The next step was to tell my friends. I knew some people wouldn’t really accept it. Two weeks went by and although my family life was really good because I had a better bond with my mum and dad, I still couldn’t tell anyone else. Then one dull Monday morning I had just had enough of people calling me gay boy and faggot. So I said those magic words: “I AM GAY”. Everyone was very accepting even the people I didn’t think would accept it.
A story by LW
I thought the closet doors would remain shut forever for me. I lost my virginity at the age of 12 to another male and despite this, I still believed I was straight and would marry a woman one day, so I continued to have girlfriends and was happy for a time. Playing the straight man was much harder than I thought though, as I often strayed onto gay websites and chat rooms to find comfort in the prison that was my closet. I soon hated myself for it and became suicidal.
After three years of this confusion and enduring a year-long relationship with a girl whom I did come to love, but not sleep with, I came close to opening my closet door to see how it was outside. But things took a turn for the worse. When I was 15 my dad found out about my eldest brother being gay, and although everyone knew my dad was homophobic, it was far worse than I thought. He wanted my brother dead. He smashed the phone after ringing him and was horrendous to live with. I often cried myself to sleep as I had no idea what to do and had nobody to turn to apart from my online friends. They did help a bit, but I didn’t know them properly. When I turned 16 I finally met one of my online friends in Manchester, after speaking to him since I was 13. Things were going really well until my family started to ask why I was in Manchester so much, so he became ‘Beth’, my girlfriend. At school I even had to tell my friends about my ‘girlfriend’ so if they ever came to my house, both my friends and family would have the same story and no suspicion would arise. Eventually it became too hard to keep lying and I came close to suicide again, so I had to peep out of the closet. About a week before I turned 17 I told one of my closest friends and everything was fine, so I told more of my friends and a few even met ‘Beth’. However my family still remained in the dark. Even today my dad does not know, but I no longer live with him, so it doesn’t affect me anymore. But being out of the dark lonely closet is great and everyone has been very supportive. I am honestly proud to say that IT DOES GET BETTER!
I thought the closet doors would remain shut forever for me. I lost my virginity at the age of 12 to another male and despite this, I still believed I was straight and would marry a woman one day, so I continued to have girlfriends and was happy for a time. Playing the straight man was much harder than I thought though, as I often strayed onto gay websites and chat rooms to find comfort in the prison that was my closet. I soon hated myself for it and became suicidal.
After three years of this confusion and enduring a year-long relationship with a girl whom I did come to love, but not sleep with, I came close to opening my closet door to see how it was outside. But things took a turn for the worse. When I was 15 my dad found out about my eldest brother being gay, and although everyone knew my dad was homophobic, it was far worse than I thought. He wanted my brother dead. He smashed the phone after ringing him and was horrendous to live with. I often cried myself to sleep as I had no idea what to do and had nobody to turn to apart from my online friends. They did help a bit, but I didn’t know them properly. When I turned 16 I finally met one of my online friends in Manchester, after speaking to him since I was 13. Things were going really well until my family started to ask why I was in Manchester so much, so he became ‘Beth’, my girlfriend. At school I even had to tell my friends about my ‘girlfriend’ so if they ever came to my house, both my friends and family would have the same story and no suspicion would arise. Eventually it became too hard to keep lying and I came close to suicide again, so I had to peep out of the closet. About a week before I turned 17 I told one of my closest friends and everything was fine, so I told more of my friends and a few even met ‘Beth’. However my family still remained in the dark. Even today my dad does not know, but I no longer live with him, so it doesn’t affect me anymore. But being out of the dark lonely closet is great and everyone has been very supportive. I am honestly proud to say that IT DOES GET BETTER!
ANON
When I first started high school, my brother was in year 9 and I was in year 7. He had a friend who was a lesbian – that was the first LGBT person I had ever met.I
never really understood how exactly somebody could be gay or lesbian, and I even mocked her myself. She had a girlfriend who was in the year above me, and I
was still confused about the whole situation. In year 8 I had a few more friends than I did in year 7, and socialised more with
the year above. Including my brother’s ex-girlfriend. I was still confused about how people could be gay and was truly mind-blown when I met more gay people when I went out during the day on Saturdays in town. It got to the summer of year 8 and one of my best friends turned to me in ICT and said “I don’t really know how to tell you this is because you seem to be really uncomfortable whenever it gets mentioned, but I’m bisexual". I just looked at her and said, “Cool”. I wasn’t bothered because she was still my best friend and she’s no different. And ever since that day I have been totally accepting of the gay community. It got to year 9 and my brother and his lesbian friend had left school. I now had one bisexual friend, and two lesbian friends., all of whom had more gay friends that we met up with at the weekend. I ended up being friends with quite a lot of people from the gay community. After meeting a lot of gay people I started questioning my own sexuality. I never had feelings for any boys but always looked at girls with more attraction. I then further realised that I wasn’t even bisexual, but I was completely lesbian. But
I had no idea how to tell my friends. It felt like a mental block and there was never really “the right time” to say something. I’ve always been “one of the
lads” and was always a bit tom-boy-ish. My friends always said “Come out, you’re obviously gay!” and I just didn’t want to. It was the holidays and one of the gay people I’d met in town had invited me, my lesbian friend, and a couple of my other friends to a drinking gathering. He invited one his friends from his local area who was bisexual. I ended up getting too drunk and telling the friend who had invited me over – that I was lesbian. But I didn’t want anybody else to know, I told him and told him not to say anything to anyone – and he didn’t. (To this day he is still my best friend).A few months after that he and I and another one of my friends went on a camping trip alone. And I opened up about my sexuality to this new person. My best friend turned to me and said “I think it’s time for you to come out and tell
people”. I told him that I just couldn’t do it, so he said he’d do it for me if I wanted. So I just said “You know what, do it” and he did. He told everyone I knew. Within the next week I had a girlfriend and I was proud. I went to my first ever gay pride in Sheffield and then one in Leeds. For the first time in a long time I was myself, and everyone accepted me for who I was and my sexuality. Around the same time my brother came out as gay to my Mum, and at first my Mum was confused but then was really happy for him. I never (and to this day) haven’t told my Mum about my sexuality. But she guessed herself when I brought my girlfriend round to the house a lot. One Time my Mum was out with one of her friends in town, and her friend met a man who was making a lot of homophobic remarks. She refused to sit with him and told the man, “I have two gay children and I love them”. She came home and refused to talk to her friend who chose to sit with him. Long story short – my Mum is accepting and so are my friends, and I’m so happy my friend offered to come out for me as I now live a happier life than when I was inside the closet.
When I first started high school, my brother was in year 9 and I was in year 7. He had a friend who was a lesbian – that was the first LGBT person I had ever met.I
never really understood how exactly somebody could be gay or lesbian, and I even mocked her myself. She had a girlfriend who was in the year above me, and I
was still confused about the whole situation. In year 8 I had a few more friends than I did in year 7, and socialised more with
the year above. Including my brother’s ex-girlfriend. I was still confused about how people could be gay and was truly mind-blown when I met more gay people when I went out during the day on Saturdays in town. It got to the summer of year 8 and one of my best friends turned to me in ICT and said “I don’t really know how to tell you this is because you seem to be really uncomfortable whenever it gets mentioned, but I’m bisexual". I just looked at her and said, “Cool”. I wasn’t bothered because she was still my best friend and she’s no different. And ever since that day I have been totally accepting of the gay community. It got to year 9 and my brother and his lesbian friend had left school. I now had one bisexual friend, and two lesbian friends., all of whom had more gay friends that we met up with at the weekend. I ended up being friends with quite a lot of people from the gay community. After meeting a lot of gay people I started questioning my own sexuality. I never had feelings for any boys but always looked at girls with more attraction. I then further realised that I wasn’t even bisexual, but I was completely lesbian. But
I had no idea how to tell my friends. It felt like a mental block and there was never really “the right time” to say something. I’ve always been “one of the
lads” and was always a bit tom-boy-ish. My friends always said “Come out, you’re obviously gay!” and I just didn’t want to. It was the holidays and one of the gay people I’d met in town had invited me, my lesbian friend, and a couple of my other friends to a drinking gathering. He invited one his friends from his local area who was bisexual. I ended up getting too drunk and telling the friend who had invited me over – that I was lesbian. But I didn’t want anybody else to know, I told him and told him not to say anything to anyone – and he didn’t. (To this day he is still my best friend).A few months after that he and I and another one of my friends went on a camping trip alone. And I opened up about my sexuality to this new person. My best friend turned to me and said “I think it’s time for you to come out and tell
people”. I told him that I just couldn’t do it, so he said he’d do it for me if I wanted. So I just said “You know what, do it” and he did. He told everyone I knew. Within the next week I had a girlfriend and I was proud. I went to my first ever gay pride in Sheffield and then one in Leeds. For the first time in a long time I was myself, and everyone accepted me for who I was and my sexuality. Around the same time my brother came out as gay to my Mum, and at first my Mum was confused but then was really happy for him. I never (and to this day) haven’t told my Mum about my sexuality. But she guessed herself when I brought my girlfriend round to the house a lot. One Time my Mum was out with one of her friends in town, and her friend met a man who was making a lot of homophobic remarks. She refused to sit with him and told the man, “I have two gay children and I love them”. She came home and refused to talk to her friend who chose to sit with him. Long story short – my Mum is accepting and so are my friends, and I’m so happy my friend offered to come out for me as I now live a happier life than when I was inside the closet.
Born Brave.
My name is KJay McGuinness. They say being brave means standing up for yourself, taking pride and courage in yourself, and even standing up for and against others. Bravery takes a lot of balls and ourage. If I knew then what I know now things would be different., Today in most societies it is okay to be gay. The world has come a long way in 50 years and now only a small minority remains intolerant. The world is more understanding, safer and accepting. It all started when I pondered the meaning of bravery, realising it was a case of protecting yourself in a dangerous situation.
Me.
In the start everyone knew I was gay way before I did. It’s ironic in a kind of way because I was in the “closet” whereas everyone else felt I was already out but just didn’t know it. I was 13, in high school, and had primarily male friends. They were lads, always checking out and flirting with the ladies, but not me. I was shy ad kept myself to myself for a long time, but when the occasion called for it I masked my true emotions and pretended to be like one of the lads, prolonging the charade. I’d had girl friends since year 6.
They weren’t proper girlfriends and frankly I was in my own bubble. But I’d known Ii was different since I was 13. I never looked at girls the way my friends did. Was I supposed to feel something? How did I know I wasn’t attracted to them? This question was answered when I saw a boy in my class for the first time and realised I felt the way about him that the other boys did for girls. I was so distressed, confused and awkward. I didn’t know it was okay and at the time I didn’t know it was called ‘Gay’. It was one fateful day in the playground with my three best guy friends when we were discussing what Gay was when I accidently blurted out “Oh my, that’s me.
My Friends- I was as shocked as them. They were clearly raised differently to me and understood its meaning. They handled it well but an hour llater my secret was out. Corridor whispers became reality and my life changed forever. I was forced out of the
preverbial closet by one of the three (I might add that to this day, six yearslater, I remain great friends with all three of them). People were asking me if
it was true, but I didn’t know. I felt like a star.. for the wrong reasons. After that, I’ll be blunt, my life became a nightmare.
I was bullied, scrutinised, chased, taunted , beaten, and ridiculed for four years. I was hurting inside and out. I won’t go into too much detail but my school was 70% ethnic minority and their religion condemned my kind into the abyss. It was hard. I nearly ended it on two occasions. I was alone and had no one. I kept pondering the meaning of bravery. I was a shy kid, desperately wanting love and attention, and people thought I was weird…special. It got bad and I needed support.
The School But, like life does, it got better, despite hurdles at every urn. I was a social butterfly throughout my high school years, meaning I drifted from one social group to another, looking to fit in. I join several clubs which reflected me so that I could express myself and release stress and angst. I loved my education but hated the school, the students the teachers... they turned blind eyes constantly. Looking back now I realise how resentful I was, but in my heart I knew that the teachers weren’t actually turning a blind eye but they were fighting for me relentlessly, excluding the bullies, making the school safe for me to be in. They had a zero tolerance policy even if I was the only gay kid at the time. Some of them chose not to deal with me
for moral reasons which I now respect because they didn’t ignore me but made sure that I was sent to someone who could deal with me. I didn’t accept my sexuality until half way through year 10.Teachers tried to get it out of me but I found the subject too raw and embarrassing as if I was a freak. I noticed that as I got older made more friends and start$ in-depth research into the world outside my walls. I got to know the Queer world, and indirectly inspired eight more students
to come out. I wasn’t alone any more. By year 11 I was in an environment completely diverse. We looked out for each other. I grew wittier, stronger and truly started to manifest the meaning of “bravery”. I made it my own. MY WORD MY MEANING. I was brave at last. I had found myself, I was strong inside and out, I was untouchable. I grew mature and around me so did all the other kids who bullied and taunted me. l They came forward, I showed them who was boss and every single one of them apologized for their actions. And me being me, I was the bigger man and forgave them. This led to my campaign with a fellow LGBT student in my sixth form years to teach all the younger students about tolerance and acceptance so we could prevent another young souls in my position from facing the same
situation. Our work lead to a plaque on the front entrance of the rainbow flag. This was the proudest moment of my life. I had defied all odds and carried on through all of it. I never gave up.
My Mother - Looking back now, I find it funny. I had no idea what I was scared of - maybe the horror stories of rejection and punishment in the media, or maybe some of the sad stories I had read. Coming out to my mother and father was challenging and chilling, but was the bravest thing I did. My mother was and still is my rock, my inspiration, my idol and an independent woman who in her own time has defied all her own odds much like I have. She’s been there, and lived, and seen
things I wouldn’t believe. It was a lot to live up to and petrifying. She knew how shy, sensitive, feminine and caring I was and still am. It was an average night when I was 14. I was drying as she was washing. I had hinted at my sexuality many times previously but I knew with the torment at school she would soon find out and how humiliated I would be, so it came out like word vomit. I couldn’t prevent it any more. it I said...”you know don’t you? You do know I’m gay?” and her response was gold. “I know you’re my son, I know I love you no matter what. You are who you are and I wouldn’t care if you were an axe murderer, but let me tell you, you’ve been wearing my high heels and dresses since you were three, it’s about time you knew yourself!”.
We laughed, I cried, it was the biggest relief of my life. An inner pain had been lifted. I was truly liberated. I couldn’t have asked for a better, more open-minded mother. I knew I was so lucky to have her, so much more lucky than other children who faced rejection. I still cannot get my head around having such an open minded family. Since then my mother has been the biggest warrior I’ve even seen, she’s been braver than me. She was the whole reason I became brave. My mother has fought every one of my battles, she stood up to all my bullies, she was at my school rampaging for justice, and she has single-handedly formed me into the outgoing, confident, flamboyant person I am today...
My Father- To tell my father I was gay was the most difficult aspect of the whole coming out process. Years of seeing films, shows and reading stories put me off for a long time. I had heard rumours from the family that he was known once or twice in his younger years to make derogative remarks about homosexuals. Looking back now though I realise he was just one of the lads. None the less, these stories put me off telling him for years. He himself was in denial of the fact I was gay. My mother and father divorced when I was seven,. When he was present in my childhood he knew that I liked to dress the way I did and be ‘camp’, and I always wondered if he (like the rest of the family) knew. After I’d told my mum she asked me what I wanted to do about the rest of the family (there were about 16 relatives) and we were a close family. I turned to her and said would you tell them if they asked? She thought nothing of it, gave me her word that she would only bring it up if it ever came into the conversation. Late one evening she and my father were sitting in the kitchen discussing me in general and my well being... (I’d like to also add this is my mother’s words I wasn’t present). My father said that I wasn’t like other teens and my mother grasped the opportunity to tell him that I was gay... and from what I’ve been told his reaction was interesting. He said he’d known all along but didn’t pay attention. Since then for years he asked her if I was still gay, whether it had been “just a phase”. Looking back now I realise it wasn’t out of intolerance or hatred, but just common ignorance, he just didn’t know. He was aware that people go through “phases” of their sexuality to truly find out what they are into, which I fully support because it’s true. One time I was with my father in the car whilst it was going through the car was. We had to talk about something, and funnily enough I knew what it would be.He said “So are you seeing anyone?”. I knew I couldn’t be shy or deflect the question, and it was time to be truthful, so I said “yes”. He followed up by saying “So what are you into?” and I made light of it with humour retorting “Everything”, and we both laughed. It’s only recently that I’ve told him about my boyfriend and he finally said “Look, I don’t care what
you are, I want you to be honest with me. For years you’ve avoided this talk and I don’t know why. Do you think I’d hate you or something? Because I don’t. You’r my only son and I love you for who you are.” And at that moment I knew I had him. I felt great. Then he added in “As long as I get grandkids” and we chuckled.
The Family- As I was saying, my inner circle of family is big and tight! It consists of my two siblings (in their 30’s), my mum, her sister (my aunt), her sister’s daughter (my cousin), and all their partners and children, which totals to around 15 of us. It was a hellishly terrifying number to come out to them, and I just couldn’t tell them as group, I wasn’t confident enough. It was 15 people!! One of them was bound to reject me. So as I said, I got my mother to do it for me if they ever asked. But there was one relative I knew I could tell myself and that was my cousin who is only eight years older than me. She was wilder than me, I was so close to her and we shared everything. Funnily enough she admitted to me recently when I asked if she ever wondered about my sexuality that she never brought it up because she was waiting for me to realise. My whole family knew before i did! HA! They joked about me coming down the stairs all dressed up as a girl when I was a wee nipper. Not one of them rejected me, everyone loved it that I could be myself and I love them all so much for their support.
My name is KJay McGuinness. They say being brave means standing up for yourself, taking pride and courage in yourself, and even standing up for and against others. Bravery takes a lot of balls and ourage. If I knew then what I know now things would be different., Today in most societies it is okay to be gay. The world has come a long way in 50 years and now only a small minority remains intolerant. The world is more understanding, safer and accepting. It all started when I pondered the meaning of bravery, realising it was a case of protecting yourself in a dangerous situation.
Me.
In the start everyone knew I was gay way before I did. It’s ironic in a kind of way because I was in the “closet” whereas everyone else felt I was already out but just didn’t know it. I was 13, in high school, and had primarily male friends. They were lads, always checking out and flirting with the ladies, but not me. I was shy ad kept myself to myself for a long time, but when the occasion called for it I masked my true emotions and pretended to be like one of the lads, prolonging the charade. I’d had girl friends since year 6.
They weren’t proper girlfriends and frankly I was in my own bubble. But I’d known Ii was different since I was 13. I never looked at girls the way my friends did. Was I supposed to feel something? How did I know I wasn’t attracted to them? This question was answered when I saw a boy in my class for the first time and realised I felt the way about him that the other boys did for girls. I was so distressed, confused and awkward. I didn’t know it was okay and at the time I didn’t know it was called ‘Gay’. It was one fateful day in the playground with my three best guy friends when we were discussing what Gay was when I accidently blurted out “Oh my, that’s me.
My Friends- I was as shocked as them. They were clearly raised differently to me and understood its meaning. They handled it well but an hour llater my secret was out. Corridor whispers became reality and my life changed forever. I was forced out of the
preverbial closet by one of the three (I might add that to this day, six yearslater, I remain great friends with all three of them). People were asking me if
it was true, but I didn’t know. I felt like a star.. for the wrong reasons. After that, I’ll be blunt, my life became a nightmare.
I was bullied, scrutinised, chased, taunted , beaten, and ridiculed for four years. I was hurting inside and out. I won’t go into too much detail but my school was 70% ethnic minority and their religion condemned my kind into the abyss. It was hard. I nearly ended it on two occasions. I was alone and had no one. I kept pondering the meaning of bravery. I was a shy kid, desperately wanting love and attention, and people thought I was weird…special. It got bad and I needed support.
The School But, like life does, it got better, despite hurdles at every urn. I was a social butterfly throughout my high school years, meaning I drifted from one social group to another, looking to fit in. I join several clubs which reflected me so that I could express myself and release stress and angst. I loved my education but hated the school, the students the teachers... they turned blind eyes constantly. Looking back now I realise how resentful I was, but in my heart I knew that the teachers weren’t actually turning a blind eye but they were fighting for me relentlessly, excluding the bullies, making the school safe for me to be in. They had a zero tolerance policy even if I was the only gay kid at the time. Some of them chose not to deal with me
for moral reasons which I now respect because they didn’t ignore me but made sure that I was sent to someone who could deal with me. I didn’t accept my sexuality until half way through year 10.Teachers tried to get it out of me but I found the subject too raw and embarrassing as if I was a freak. I noticed that as I got older made more friends and start$ in-depth research into the world outside my walls. I got to know the Queer world, and indirectly inspired eight more students
to come out. I wasn’t alone any more. By year 11 I was in an environment completely diverse. We looked out for each other. I grew wittier, stronger and truly started to manifest the meaning of “bravery”. I made it my own. MY WORD MY MEANING. I was brave at last. I had found myself, I was strong inside and out, I was untouchable. I grew mature and around me so did all the other kids who bullied and taunted me. l They came forward, I showed them who was boss and every single one of them apologized for their actions. And me being me, I was the bigger man and forgave them. This led to my campaign with a fellow LGBT student in my sixth form years to teach all the younger students about tolerance and acceptance so we could prevent another young souls in my position from facing the same
situation. Our work lead to a plaque on the front entrance of the rainbow flag. This was the proudest moment of my life. I had defied all odds and carried on through all of it. I never gave up.
My Mother - Looking back now, I find it funny. I had no idea what I was scared of - maybe the horror stories of rejection and punishment in the media, or maybe some of the sad stories I had read. Coming out to my mother and father was challenging and chilling, but was the bravest thing I did. My mother was and still is my rock, my inspiration, my idol and an independent woman who in her own time has defied all her own odds much like I have. She’s been there, and lived, and seen
things I wouldn’t believe. It was a lot to live up to and petrifying. She knew how shy, sensitive, feminine and caring I was and still am. It was an average night when I was 14. I was drying as she was washing. I had hinted at my sexuality many times previously but I knew with the torment at school she would soon find out and how humiliated I would be, so it came out like word vomit. I couldn’t prevent it any more. it I said...”you know don’t you? You do know I’m gay?” and her response was gold. “I know you’re my son, I know I love you no matter what. You are who you are and I wouldn’t care if you were an axe murderer, but let me tell you, you’ve been wearing my high heels and dresses since you were three, it’s about time you knew yourself!”.
We laughed, I cried, it was the biggest relief of my life. An inner pain had been lifted. I was truly liberated. I couldn’t have asked for a better, more open-minded mother. I knew I was so lucky to have her, so much more lucky than other children who faced rejection. I still cannot get my head around having such an open minded family. Since then my mother has been the biggest warrior I’ve even seen, she’s been braver than me. She was the whole reason I became brave. My mother has fought every one of my battles, she stood up to all my bullies, she was at my school rampaging for justice, and she has single-handedly formed me into the outgoing, confident, flamboyant person I am today...
My Father- To tell my father I was gay was the most difficult aspect of the whole coming out process. Years of seeing films, shows and reading stories put me off for a long time. I had heard rumours from the family that he was known once or twice in his younger years to make derogative remarks about homosexuals. Looking back now though I realise he was just one of the lads. None the less, these stories put me off telling him for years. He himself was in denial of the fact I was gay. My mother and father divorced when I was seven,. When he was present in my childhood he knew that I liked to dress the way I did and be ‘camp’, and I always wondered if he (like the rest of the family) knew. After I’d told my mum she asked me what I wanted to do about the rest of the family (there were about 16 relatives) and we were a close family. I turned to her and said would you tell them if they asked? She thought nothing of it, gave me her word that she would only bring it up if it ever came into the conversation. Late one evening she and my father were sitting in the kitchen discussing me in general and my well being... (I’d like to also add this is my mother’s words I wasn’t present). My father said that I wasn’t like other teens and my mother grasped the opportunity to tell him that I was gay... and from what I’ve been told his reaction was interesting. He said he’d known all along but didn’t pay attention. Since then for years he asked her if I was still gay, whether it had been “just a phase”. Looking back now I realise it wasn’t out of intolerance or hatred, but just common ignorance, he just didn’t know. He was aware that people go through “phases” of their sexuality to truly find out what they are into, which I fully support because it’s true. One time I was with my father in the car whilst it was going through the car was. We had to talk about something, and funnily enough I knew what it would be.He said “So are you seeing anyone?”. I knew I couldn’t be shy or deflect the question, and it was time to be truthful, so I said “yes”. He followed up by saying “So what are you into?” and I made light of it with humour retorting “Everything”, and we both laughed. It’s only recently that I’ve told him about my boyfriend and he finally said “Look, I don’t care what
you are, I want you to be honest with me. For years you’ve avoided this talk and I don’t know why. Do you think I’d hate you or something? Because I don’t. You’r my only son and I love you for who you are.” And at that moment I knew I had him. I felt great. Then he added in “As long as I get grandkids” and we chuckled.
The Family- As I was saying, my inner circle of family is big and tight! It consists of my two siblings (in their 30’s), my mum, her sister (my aunt), her sister’s daughter (my cousin), and all their partners and children, which totals to around 15 of us. It was a hellishly terrifying number to come out to them, and I just couldn’t tell them as group, I wasn’t confident enough. It was 15 people!! One of them was bound to reject me. So as I said, I got my mother to do it for me if they ever asked. But there was one relative I knew I could tell myself and that was my cousin who is only eight years older than me. She was wilder than me, I was so close to her and we shared everything. Funnily enough she admitted to me recently when I asked if she ever wondered about my sexuality that she never brought it up because she was waiting for me to realise. My whole family knew before i did! HA! They joked about me coming down the stairs all dressed up as a girl when I was a wee nipper. Not one of them rejected me, everyone loved it that I could be myself and I love them all so much for their support.
ANON
I chose to come out gay to my friends I was worried that they would either judge me or disapprove of what I told them.
I thought through how best to tackle the situation during the last few months of high school. I decided to tell my friends that I had something important to talk about.
They were fine with that, but were wondering whether I was feeling okay. Once high school ended I was unexpectedly introduced a gay man and started to get on well with him. I began to develop feelings for him and didn't know how to handle them, so I told him that I was gay before the rest of my friends. He
took the news very well as I thought he would do with him being gay himself.
The day after he asked me if I wanted any support coming out to my friends which I thought would help. Once I felt ready we all went out for some fresh air and I then told them I was gay. At the moment of telling them I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, but nervous and terrified at the same time due to not knowing what would happen next. I think it took them a few moments for it all to sink in, then they began asking me questions such as how long had I known I was gay. I
explained certain things and situations that had led to me wanting to come out to them. They said that they were fine with the fact I was gay and told me that they would support me with anything I'd want help with.
Since coming out to my friends I've felt that with some of them our friendship has Grown a lot stronger, because now I feel I can be who I am and talk about
anything I want to with them. My advice to someone who is wondering about coming out is that once you've overcome the obstacles you will feel a huge
relief from doing so. Who knows, it might be better then you've expected too?
I chose to come out gay to my friends I was worried that they would either judge me or disapprove of what I told them.
I thought through how best to tackle the situation during the last few months of high school. I decided to tell my friends that I had something important to talk about.
They were fine with that, but were wondering whether I was feeling okay. Once high school ended I was unexpectedly introduced a gay man and started to get on well with him. I began to develop feelings for him and didn't know how to handle them, so I told him that I was gay before the rest of my friends. He
took the news very well as I thought he would do with him being gay himself.
The day after he asked me if I wanted any support coming out to my friends which I thought would help. Once I felt ready we all went out for some fresh air and I then told them I was gay. At the moment of telling them I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, but nervous and terrified at the same time due to not knowing what would happen next. I think it took them a few moments for it all to sink in, then they began asking me questions such as how long had I known I was gay. I
explained certain things and situations that had led to me wanting to come out to them. They said that they were fine with the fact I was gay and told me that they would support me with anything I'd want help with.
Since coming out to my friends I've felt that with some of them our friendship has Grown a lot stronger, because now I feel I can be who I am and talk about
anything I want to with them. My advice to someone who is wondering about coming out is that once you've overcome the obstacles you will feel a huge
relief from doing so. Who knows, it might be better then you've expected too?
Adam
About half-way through year 7 I faked my date of birth to sign up to a dating website.
Everything seemed a-ok for a while, but towards the end of year 7, things started to get weird.
When I was 12, I started to question myself, day-in and day-out, and I asked my mother if she would accept me if I was gay. She said: “I wouldn’t give a damn”.
I created a secondary dating account and classified myself as “gay”.
A older male who is gay came up to me and started talking about it, but he had some friends with him and I instantly denied it. I went through high school pretending to be straight for about three years.
When I was in year 11, I had a relationship with a guy called Ben.
We didn’t have sex, but I was happy for a while.
But then he wanted to have sex just about every day, and eventually I told him to sling his hook.
I still talk to him, maybe once in a blue moon.
About half-way through year 7 I faked my date of birth to sign up to a dating website.
Everything seemed a-ok for a while, but towards the end of year 7, things started to get weird.
When I was 12, I started to question myself, day-in and day-out, and I asked my mother if she would accept me if I was gay. She said: “I wouldn’t give a damn”.
I created a secondary dating account and classified myself as “gay”.
A older male who is gay came up to me and started talking about it, but he had some friends with him and I instantly denied it. I went through high school pretending to be straight for about three years.
When I was in year 11, I had a relationship with a guy called Ben.
We didn’t have sex, but I was happy for a while.
But then he wanted to have sex just about every day, and eventually I told him to sling his hook.
I still talk to him, maybe once in a blue moon.
ANON
To be honest I’ve not fully come out yet, only to friends and some family members. The family members are my sister and one of my aunties.
It all started when I came out to my sister only because I had downloaded a gay app for my phone and my sister caught me on it one time.
That’s when she clicked, but she didn’t say. Two days later she asked me if I was gay or bisexual. I said to her that I was bi and she didn’t believe me.
It took me a while to convince her.
I think in the back of my mind that she still doesn’t believe it, but I’ll just let her think what ever she wants.
I came out to my auntie when she asked me after a night out in Leeds. I just replied to her saying ‘I’m just exploring, I’m young so I’m learning from my mistakes’. I didn’t think her reaction would be so calm, but she was perfectly fine about it, and then we went on to talk about other things. Now and then she
would joke about me getting a rich boyfriend, which I just go along with.The message behind my story is that it really doesn’t matter if you’re out or not
because it’s you who should be happy with yourself.
To be honest I’ve not fully come out yet, only to friends and some family members. The family members are my sister and one of my aunties.
It all started when I came out to my sister only because I had downloaded a gay app for my phone and my sister caught me on it one time.
That’s when she clicked, but she didn’t say. Two days later she asked me if I was gay or bisexual. I said to her that I was bi and she didn’t believe me.
It took me a while to convince her.
I think in the back of my mind that she still doesn’t believe it, but I’ll just let her think what ever she wants.
I came out to my auntie when she asked me after a night out in Leeds. I just replied to her saying ‘I’m just exploring, I’m young so I’m learning from my mistakes’. I didn’t think her reaction would be so calm, but she was perfectly fine about it, and then we went on to talk about other things. Now and then she
would joke about me getting a rich boyfriend, which I just go along with.The message behind my story is that it really doesn’t matter if you’re out or not
because it’s you who should be happy with yourself.